My Desire to Become a Fashion Model/Icon, Professionally, and the Winner of Season 3, of The Fashion Hero!

I never believed I could be a model. I had an obsession with fashion and beauty, but was constantly shamed, for my looks, by my mother, all my life. Truthfully, it began to eat at me, around 14. It started with my mom, asking me to show her how I put on my makeup, and I said, “NO!” Life was always hard, but now it’s my life to live, I share my own space, with my wonderful husband for 8 years of marriage ( tomorrow) and 14 years, together, total!

It took me 25 years, to make me stop, and coach myself, and say….she does not have a right to tell me what makes me beautiful. It’s whatever makes me feel beautiful, that makes me beautiful, and she could not clearly see what makes me feel beautiful. Well, I have since entered a beauty competition on a reality tv show! I have actually been it for years, and they have had a lot of hurdles interfere with their ability to produce the second season, and third season ( the one I am ,hopefully going to be competing on.) Its a reality tv show, called The Fashion Hero. I am going to attach my profile, for those who would like to to find out more , but if someone out there sees this, and wants to know more, you can google the name of the show or tweet to @TheFashionHero and hashtag them at #TheFashionHero Also, if you would like to vote, it costs money, but I am so grateful, for any of your support. The cost of the votes goes down in value, the more you buy in a bundle.

Learning to Feel Sexy in My Own Skin

From age 15 to 25 my friends and I would sneak on the nearby army base at night, or go to a college town near by, and hang out in bars, and clubs. I would go to this one club, Neon’s, and I would put on a Minnie-skirt, and a slinky top, minus a bra, and I would dance on the black box, with a giant glass disco ball dangling above me and 7 or 8 guys would surround me, and I would just sweat and dance, until they made us leave.. Me and my friends would pile in a car, and travel together….and I usually was the DD(Designated Driver,) until I hit 21. The Thing, with my” Hottie Honduran’s proposal was, timing. I was on the base, the last time I saw him, it was morning, and I was trying to get off the base without being caught. It was my last week to spend time with him. I had a decision to make, and I had to make it right then… Germany, or 12th grade… I had life goals, that definitely included getting as far away from this place, as possible. I just knew 11th grade wasn’t going to be the time I made my move. That was for good reason, because I found other opportunities to see SO MANY other countries… One man I got pretty serious with, though, was from Tamil. He spoke Hindi, and by this point, I was in college. I was still working up the courage, to go cow tie my dreams…but it had not happened yet. For two years he showed me desire, attraction, and in some unique ways, support. He made an opportunity for me to model nude for an artist. Then, he took me to this amazing art exhibition to see her art on display. There were 2000 people there. There was a runway, with a gorgeous, Asian model, extremely tall, he was modeling artistic fashion, and he was so beautiful, he was the most gorgeous man, I had ever seen in real life. There were 2 floors with galleries, and 14 galleries total. I felt beautiful. There was this homeless man, squatting in the building, and he came in…and he walked up to my drawing, and turned red all over. The painting was Called Venus, and it was painted using Red, White and Gold. It ended up being sold, and someone chose to put over his mantle in his living room. Years later, I started dating my wonderful husband! He also felt driven to support my need to feel loved and beautiful, and he introduced me to pinup modeling, and photography. I was never paid for this, but I became friends with the lady who owned the business, and we are still friends, 13 years later. Below, I will attach pictures of some of the modeling. My friend who owned the business, gave me free photo shoots, because I brought her a 3rd of her customers by word of mouth! I’ll attach some pictures below!

Always Looking Back, Until You!

My entire life, it felt like I could slip through there arms, and be gone, every time. Finding someone for me to marry, was the only thing, my mother ever cared about, with her 3 girls. I was always running from romance. I was 12 when a older boy at my church began touching me inappropriately. The first time he thrusted his crusty hands inside of me, he was dry, and had warts, and he was forceful. I had a small group of ” Bestfriends” all my life. One of them was 10 years old, and she was 5 ft. 11, and weighed A lot! He was fingering me, and kissing her. She told ” me not to ruin her moment, “and I just cried, but silently! It was weird, and I felt hollow, and bitter, and very very fragile. So, while many things happened with me and boys, I stayed a virgin until I was 25. My first serious wedding proposal was from a boyfriend, in 11th grade, I was a grade behind so I was 18. He was a soldier being relocated to Germany. He was from Honduras, and wanted citizenship, and worked at the local pizza place with all my friends. I was 18, but he was 25. He looked like, LL Cool J , in his physic, but he had buck teeth, and a skinny mustache. He was hot!!!! He knew marrying me, would be a quick route to citizenship, but he was not that kind of person, at all. I honestly know in my heart, I was not a meal ticket to him. He was in the US army, and his pizza delivery job, kept him busy, and helped him meet people. We were hot for each other, immediately, and the feelings got deep, fast, and he knew I had been abused, and that my virginity was important to me the Last time I saw him, I was in his barracks, and we us asking me again… Are you sure you don’t want to come with me… I cried and cried, and then farted the worst most embarrassing silent but deadly nasty smell…and he just lit his lighter and kept talking.. Around 7 years later, when I was 25, I met my husband. I lost my virginity, to him, AND believe it or not, and I married the guy I gave it to! I still ran, though Several times! I evicted him on the lawn twice. I I call off 3 of his 4, wedding proposals. I made him do a year of marriage Counseling, before I walked down the aisle, and 30 minutes before, u told my mom, I couldn’t go through with it…. and my mom said you have to, but you can always get a divorce. My husband, and I dated for 6 years. I moved in with him him 2 days after I met him and almost a month later while doing laundry, I learned his last name, but after 8 years of marriage and 14 years together… My heart is gleeful when we talk, my favorite therapy is snuggles with my husband, and our dog! He gets me! He loves me when I don’t sleep for 3 days, when I have a melt down, when I lose my Job. He loves me when I finish my bachelor’s degree, it get accepted it graduation school. His love is my invisible cloak. He is my safety, my love, and my challenge to grow! I absolutely , positively love my husband more today, then I did on our wedding day. Because the demons of my past, enslave me to science, he is my check in. I am honest with him about mental health meds, mania and depression, and he is honest with me if he is overwhelmed, depressed, or scared…He has sincerely respected me, every step of the way! Over 8 years of marriage and 14 years together, I feel more at home, with him, then anywhere I have ever been. Its nice to know that I can feel at home anywhere my husband and my dog are! SO, now when I look, back, I am not looking for how far behind “he is then me, or if I left ‘Him” in the dust….just everything, that has ever brought me pain or sadness, or suffering!