Let Me Reintroduce Myself!

HI!

My name is Laura Kathryn. My beautiful name comes from my beautiful grandmothers, “Laura” and “Kathryn.” I am going to be 40 this year! I am undecided on how i feel about that. It’s not about shame. I am very lost right now. My soul, is scared, my heart is wavering, but not like you might think. I know without a question, that i am so happy to be celebrating 8 years as Mrs. Book, in one week, and 14 years of growing together. Three years ago, my soul became hopelessly in love with and devoted to our bichon-rescue, Jasper. He is my strength most days. I wake up everyday hurting from an unexplained lump on my head. The pain drives me mad! I struggle with this everyday. I want it to stop…but 1500 milligrams, of Gabapentin takes the edge off. This year is not only my 40th birthday, its also 30 years since I had a ganglioglioma removed from my left temporal lobe. My whole life since that day, I was living ten years younger. I don’t remember my life from 1-10. I have an odd memory, here or there, and I catch a glimpse of the possibility that I am right about it, every uneasy moment, now and then. I struggle with my weight. I struggle with self confidence. I also struggle with my purpose on earth. I have always been able to dream big, real big…and my life always felt like everything could be possible…that is, if I could escape. I’m writing books, several of them, about my life. I live in a southern town, in the USA. It’s actually not that little, because it the second largest city, in the state. I grew up in a home that everyone envied, and I woke up everyday wishing I was dead. Today, I had a first appointment, with someone to see about restarting private counseling. The first thing she noticed in me was my unresolved anger. It’s as real as it was 30 years ago, I assure you. I don’t want to get bogged down in that during this introduction, though. It will all become real, as my life unfolds. I love to travel. I have been so many places all over the world, so far, and most of my experiences were not pleasant, but I need to find happiness in them, if I am going to survive through age 40. I am an artist, but I didn’t allow myself to discover this until I turned 30. I married at age 31, for the first time, and then 2 weeks later, to the same man. I am going to put this out there. I am a very broken human, and on my wedding day, I wanted to run out of the church, and jump in the bed of a truck, as fast as I could. Every time I hear that song by the Dixie Chicks, ” Ready to Run,” a part of me returns to that time, where I was THE BEST get away girl, EVER! However, my husband is so awesome. He’s my snuggle buddy, he’s my protector, he is my compass, and he is also my equal. He challenges me to challenge me in the best possible way, and he doesn’t let me give into self loathing. I would not be who I am today, without him. Thank God, he came into my life, 14 years ago. As my life unfolds. I will be making a pledge to stay authentic! I will say, that I won’t ever tell the whole story, here…I want this to eventually be something that promotes my books, that I get published, as life goes on.

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