25 years a survivor!

As a child, I was born with birthmarks all over my body. They were large and raised and red. I am told  I was a a beautiful baby, and I must agree…I was pretty cute, but on my first birthday, my life turned upside down.  I’m told I started having siezures as I was blowing out the candles, and my parents were taking pictures of me, Pedi mal became gran mal, and life was constantly a battle to color inside the lines.

I grew up the first ten years of my life wishing I was not alive, and wondering why God did this to my body?!?  I was tired, and obese, and awkward. My family had to make excuses for me, and people were deciding my fate everystep and misstep I made.

I tried to lead a similance of a normal life…but dance recitals were interupted by seizures, and swimming was always stopped by seizures, it mean cold air, and naps when I didnt want them…my body was fighting me all th time, and so was all of my peers..

Kids would body slam me over the couch in the reading corner in my class, and teachers would be assigned to sit with me at lunch. It was awful…no one wanted to have to deal with me…my life was a a constance source of exhaustion for everyone who had to deal with me.

Also, during those years, my biological father came out of the closet, and my parents got divorced. My biological father decided to try to kidnapp my sisters and I , after he lost custody, and we had to go into hiding. We hid in the town that I moved to after my brain surgery.

This is the stuff that makes me want to be a counselor and an eternal optimist… My mother remarried after a tumltious divorce in which I watched my biological father beat up my mom, naked in the bathroom, threatening me and my two sisters next.

My mom is in no way a perfect human being, but no human deserves to experience the abuse that I witnessed with my own eyes.  AFter my mom left my biolocal father, she started dating a man I would later grow very very fond of. He is my stepdad.

He paid for me to have the life altering brain surgery on this day 25 years ago, and he raised me as his own. He put me through college, and walked me down the aisle. He is the father he doesnt have to be.

So Let me tell you what this day was like 25 years ago…it was about thsi time… 5 am, and I was asleep…the nurses had shaved my head one one side the night before, and medicated me to sleep. They startled me awake, really fast…I mean really fast, and I was roled on to a hospital bed, hooked to an IV and taken down the hall. The lights were way to bright for 5 am, and they would not cover my head…they were moving fast.

I wanted to go back to sleep, but they told me I would be asleep again soon…this would be real quick and pushed me as afast as they could down the hall to a a giant elevator. I was taken to another floor and into a room, with a ton of hospital beds.

There were lots of children all ages prepping for surgery, and I was in the center of the room. I drifted off to sleep and then woke to a crying baby. I could hear a nurse talking to another nurse standing by my hospital bed, and my meds were rleased, and I was under sedation again.

Before I could blink, I was awake again, and felt like I had only been in a nap for a half an hour…but I had been under sedation for 6 hours…I woke up on the operating table, and there were 3 men in big horn rimmed glasses, with neck ties , and hospital jackets on…they all were speaking gently, and the lead had an accent…It was Dr Schut.

They rolled me to the recovery room, and i had the worst headache I have ever had to this day. I was given some pain meds, and fell back asleep. When I woke up again, there was a butterfly on the windowseal.  I was alone, and it was quiet.

It was an overcast day…I was tired,and my room was big.  I just wanted to sleep…I kept dozing…I didnt understand the magnitude of how my life had changed yet…it just felt like newness…I was lighter…my load was lighter…everyone was happy, and I was alive…and now…because of that day….I have traveledl all over the world, Gotten married, and I am close to finishing a Master’s degree. I have friends that truly love me. I have family that can rely on me.

I have modeled. I am a published author, an artist..


. Because of this day, everyday is possible…even when I wish it werent…and that is the beauty of my life. I battle with dark demons, and sadness…my life is not easy every day…

But I make it, and my due north is this day…it is this day that puts me back in my place and reminds me that my life is a gift, that this second chance has purpose…and that 25 years later, I am here, because I am suppose to do something with it.  25 years a survivor, is not from that day only…it is everyday that follows…because the journey is as important as the destination.

If you would like a song to go with this story…Jim Bianco wrote Miracle about me.




God is great !!!

6 thoughts on “25 years a survivor!

  1. You have a story telling gift much like your mamas. I love reading all of them and often save them so I can read them alone in peace and quite. Thank y’all for sharing all the stories with us.

  2. I am so greatful to call you my friend! My sister I never had! And I love you so much! Not every day is good, but not everyday is bad. Some are just days…but we keep at this game called life and try to make the most of every sunrise and sunset we are blessed to take part in. I can not even imagine what my childhood and life would be had we not met all those years ago. 24 down and many more to go!!

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