Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I am always very sternly attached to my look, and sensitive about it…as I only have one picture from my brain surgery…of the half bald Cyclops of a girl I was who cried and begged to keep some of my hair…so people would know I was a girl…I never venture outside of dark brown and black hair…I’m very attached to this thought of being snow white in a far off fantasy land…but…as I have hit two milestones this year 25 years a survivor and 35 years old.. I decided to try my favorite color..red as a hair color…and so it took 6 attempts for me to conclude that hair is hair…but what really solidified that was my husband’s reaction…he said to me this …and I quote ” I would dance with you bald on Broadway, at noon on Saturday”…Red…what’s Red? The color of love…hair today, gone tomorrow!

Guardian Angels Among Us

I believe butterflies are guardian angels. I think their delicate beauty and timely power is a reminder of the magic God provides in existence to thread the mundane together and give value to the otherwise unimportant…this weekend…my husband took me to a butterfly release and it was beautiful…but I was worried about them getting injured…I enjoyed this immensely, as the only kind released were the irredescent blue morphos…I was in awe…my heart fluttered at their beauty as I watched them share my wine with me…I was so honored to be graced by their magic.

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Is it Fall Yet?

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I took this picture in our yard a year or so ago…it reminds me to appreciate the fleeting moments…and the beauty of all the seasons…I love this photo, because I was in a sad and contemplative place when I took it…and Im there again…

While I realize that the title contradicts the point of this article…It is perfectly alignned with how I feel these days….

Part of me is ready to quit life and run…just be doing anything other then what I am doing…a different job, a different name, a different place… a new season in my heart…

And yet, I know…that I am suppose to absolve some lesson in my pain and sorrow…work through some troubles…

That hits a vein with me.. a dark bold, obvious one, in my vibrant and transparent heart….Im tired of feeling this season of suffering, I am ready for the beauty of release to happen…like when pain just falls off, in vibrant creative, gifts that our left, just as tokens of inspiration and encouragment…Is it Fall yet?

Today, I remember

15 years ago, I was in class At Columbus State University. I was taking Math, a remedial math, at that…my teacher, and indian man, locked us in the classroom, and all the soldiers pagers were going off, and their phones were ringing and buzzing..I did not yet understand the nightmare and devastation that was happening…as I left class and went to my car, I turned on the radio, and it sounded like the world was coming to an end. People were screaming and crying and sirens were going off…it was a sunny day, but it was raining in my heart….I could not believe it…and of course…My friend Tavi Stutz was there to have an eye witness account.

I was in complete and utter shock… I didnt know what to think or say or do…but everything My teachers told us not to do, I did. I skipped class, and failed a test, but I do not regret it. I went to the Red Cross, and donated blood, and collected donations and started 10 months of data entry volunteer work.

I did this because of two reasons;I wanted to give anything I could to help those suffering, and I wanted my survival to count for something, to mean something…I was scared, and sad and freaked out…the roads were empty in my sweet military town…it was like a ghost town…and as I rode down the road, so did giant military tanks…not common where I live

I immediately got on the computer and started searching for anyone who might be connected to me in the NYC area, and I saw my friend Tavi was posting blogs about what he saw…he was there watching the planes hit…I was so heart broken and overwhelmed, I didnt know how to process it.

I felt helpless, I felt useless…I felt scared. I cried, and I prayed. It was like a piece of my heart was ripped out of me that will never grow back.

The wheels’ in Motion

so lately…I feel lost…looking for multiple ways to do over my life, new directions, and new options.. I’m feeling ugly, as I have gained 25 lbs…. This makeover was empowering…it felt good to change how I look and feel fresh and young looking again….the wheels in motion.

Faith Bacon & Suicide Awareness Month

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This is faith bacon wearing bacon and a Cross…she was a burlesque dancer who committed suicide.. I painted semicolons in her tears,because though she committed suicide.. her story is not over. The red is the love that surrounded her through out her life….this piece is called ” every ANgel gets their wings”….as I do not believe people who commit suicide go to hell.