Today, is my 3rd wedding anniversary. You might be asking yourself, why I am posting this here. I will get to that. When I met my husband, I was celebrating my 25th birthday, by going on a blind double date, that I am to this day, so grateful to have been set up on.It was not with the man, I married, but this story is good. I promise.
My dear friend had set me up with this guy, in an attempt to get me out of a funk. I was in a deep depression. ( I am being candid about this, because if you read my profile, my life and my work are interwoven, as is the case for so many people.)
This precious friend bought me a tiara and a boa, and out we tromped, and plopped ourselves in a silver truck, that I myself had never seen before. The engine was running with a jovial and lively guy in the front driver seat. We buckled our seatbelts, and he took off…weaving and bobbing in and out of traffic, on his way to a bar…he was drunk.
My friend’s date was in the back seat, and he was laughing and having a good old time, but my friend and I were nervous. We pulled up at a bar called Rhino’s, and slid into the parking spot. As I unbuckled the seat belt, my date stepped on the break, and my head bumped the windshield, and I was irate. So was my friend.
I jumped out of the car, and ran into the bar with her date…and when we got there. I walked in, and was graciously greeted with kisses from several strange married men. Before one single guy approached me and politely asked me if he could kiss me on the cheek.
We talked all night, in a corner to the tune of two half drunk bud lights….while my date sulked in a corner. No man had ever been so kind and respectful to me…and I was extremely vulnerable, and naive.
Once I was so tired I could not stay awake, anymore, I told him I was calling a cab, and started to get up. He stopped me and asked me if I wanted him to take me to my car, and I said yes. He asked me if he could end the night the way it started, and I was deliriously tired, I had no clue what he meant, and so I shrugged. He kissed me on the cheek…and we exchanged numbers and I was gone.
I am not going to say it was ” Lust at first sight”…but all of this love, compassion, respect, was more than I knew what to do with. Most men didn’t show me time much less respect.For 6 years, we “worked” on our relationship, and prepared ourselves for marriage. Work is the important thing here!!!! I had to grow up, a lot. We did a year of couples counseling per my request, we lived together, per his request. We opened his divorce decree per my request. The list goes on. He was definitely ready for marriage, way before I was. I could not stand the thought of being a rebound marriage, and I wasn’t sure what I expected from marriage. I was never going to get married as a child. I have found an important pearl of wisdom though, in all of this. We have now been an item for the most part of nine years, and we have been married for three. I have learned that everything you love takes work…that does not exclude marriage. We are both comfortable with acknowledging lust, and anger, and sadness, and extreme gratitude. We are friends first, because you have to be a cheerleader when your drooping and pudging or the other is…time is a treasure trove of memories… and making a bucket list of activity gifts for yourself and yourselves as a couple, will help you maintain individual identity but keep strength in your relationship, as well. He accepts my bare, vulnerable , awkward flaws…and lord knows I have them. I am not claiming we have a perfect marriage…but I have seen a relationship vital to shaping me as an adult, ruled by jealousy my whole life….and I made a vow to God, not to be that person in my marriage. So, now, after 15 years of individual counseling, not to mention a year of couples counseling. I am now working to pursue a Master’s degree in personal growth ( so to speak), by learning everything I can from my Master’s in Counseling and Psychology with a focus in clinical Mental health. How I will apply this to my future takes a different shape depending on if the tears in my eyes are filled with disappointment, loss, and failure, or joy and achievement. Either way, my wedding anniversary is during college spring break, and it must go without saying, there is no way on this earth, that I would have ever tried graduate school without the influence of this wonderful man I married. The only person who could teach me to believe in me. We deliberately married around my school schedule, and I will forever be grateful for that. I realize that this is a professional sight, but in keeping with the theme, I marry my professional and my personal life on a regular basis, it is my style. If I can say anything going into my third wedding anniversary
, it’s this; try to marry your best friend….because when everything fails, and everything falls apart…you might not be attracted to him or her…but you can change image very easily, and when you stand to be judged for all the world to see…he or she will know the struggles you faced, and love you as much for that, as for all the powerful privileged, fake friends,and people with empty promises, who love what power or influence you have…but don’t love the murky depths of your soul. Eventually, your eyes will drink in their good looks, because you will feel so deeply for them, you will fall for that pudgy stomach, and the awesome food dance, you come to expect from a well cooked meal! Happy Anniversary to us!!!