Newness

While locked out of my house on this last cold rainy day of the year, I was waiting for my husband( Panda) to get here and making the best of my situation… So I started taking pictures of everything new around me…I just recently, made a very mature decision not to create a new life in this life time…atleast not in the traditional since, of having children…but as someone who loves to create, and believes strongly in God…I see new life everywhere, and as we end 2015 and start 16,  I’m resolving to really observe and appreciate this…and use it to inspire me…to create  and heal and love and birth in the ways God intended me to…which is through my art,and advocacy, family, love and work….happy New year! Happy newness!

Christmas on the Bayou

 

This year we had another Christmas on the Bayou, and there was fun times had by all. Our beloved Martha Jean was sorely missed…. But I came up with an idea of how to honor her memory, and then we collaborated, on the end result…we will put Money in her stocking until it fills up or there is a need and then donate in her name.It is to remind us to be a change in the world…a positive one. I missed her so much, but hugging her stuffed animal…and touching her Christmas stocking made me feel her presence anyway, and remember her sweetness. I was so blessed to know her.This year was more laid back, as we all laughed and ate too much..I was a little bit of a pill, because of my surgery, but everyone was patient with me. I took careful consideration in decorating the tree, and everyone seemed pleased. I can’t wait to get back to the Bayou for new years eve! Pablo is the bayou pup, and there is a Cat named Fenton. Pablo, aka pig…loved his loot we all got him, but he got in doggy time out, when he started barking louder then the Tv.Fenton, roams the bayou Golf course, in search of his pirate life adventures, and I like to paint…I used the paint seen in the photo above to paint Pig and Fenton for Bayou Bob. Bayou Bob, is Martha Jean’s son. I can not wait to get back but its good to be home!

 

Better as a Mentor

The photo you are looking at, is me proudly smiling,because for 6 years, I had been trying to get approved for surgery,preventing me from having children. This was my choice. I have been sick on and off my whole life, and know that I could possibly pass many of these things down. I love Children, but not every woman has to have them. My aunt Kitty, and Aunt Cindy,  and of Course Aunt Beth showed me you can have a very complete and fulfilling life without having kids. I love volunteering and mentoring, but I have dreams and plans that, don’t have to be compromised, now. That isn’t to say I wouldn’t love a child, had I ended up with one. I am proud of this decision, though. It was mine.  My husband is being very supportive and taking great care of me and concern for me, too ,in the process. Plus, it worked out, that I have the time off from work, paid, sick leave, I can take. It worked out beautifully.  I have very global ambitions in my heart, this is one more stepping stone to making them happen.

Perfectly you

A portrait of my GRANDMOTHER AND I done from this photo

I painted this, this morning, after visiting my grandmother who has a favorite description for everyone, “perfectly you.” I love her so much, and I AM SO GLAD I had the time with her.

No One is Truly Alone

I had an awesome thing happen today. I am on vacation, with my husband…and I went to an art gallery, featuring a fabulous artist, who sadly, ended her own life, a year ago. This trip was an impulse trip….I just got this nervous pit in my stomach feeling like I needed to see my grandmother, right now….I mean, right now…and I have been worried about her to no end…but not sure why. SO we jumped in the truck after work and headed here to visit her, for one day…just so I could get a hug and a tarot reading (She is an astrologist, and does Tarot). At the museum, there was a young girl ( I think younger than myself), promoting this artist, and another one, around my age…I am 34. I asked how the artist ended her life, knowing that this was a sensitive subject, and explained that I work in a psychiatric facility…they told me, and the conversation, abruptly changed course…but somehow I notice the girl, had two tattoos, and I have one myself…and we began to talk about our tattoos, and healing from personal adversity…her birthday, was the same day as my brain surgery anniversary…so I had her birthday tattooed on my body…we connected instantly…like , friends…I was so happy to talk to her about mental health advocacy, and about my brain surgery, and about how passionate I am about what I do…I showed her my surgical scars, and it was a complete comfortable room…as we were leaving her eyes were tearing up, and she was smiling, and I turned around and said…Can I hug you? And she said ” Oh my gosh yes, of course.” …SO often in my life, I come across cold people, who don’t want to talk about the in between topics, the taboo things that really need to be explored…but I feel Like this was divine intervention….I could not believe that her day of birth was the same day as my rebirth, and our commonality was mental health…it gives me hope, that in a world where we can’t save everyone from slipping through the cracks, where life is sometimes so painful to bare… that if you let yourself be open to meeting people, and listen and look for the parallels, what you might find, is the miracle of not being the only one….No one is truly alone in this.

Blessed is this time.

My husband is on his way home with fresh flowers and fixins for SPaghetti. I love fresh flowers in a clean house…and he makes the best s’ghetti I have ever had. It took me the entire day to make it look like home in here, again, but I did. This is the most exciting part of work renovations…time. Time that I can dedicate to matters of the heart…my home, my husband, my art…things that make me, me, and yet I put them second. I really wish that I trusted enough about finances not to chase the almighty dollar like I do…and I wish that I didn’t feel like I was always trying to prove myself…but I am, and that’s how matters of the heart get put in second place…but for now, for 4 months, at least….they shouldn’t!!! Today, I slept in, got a 90 minute massage, went to Starbucks, cleaned and redecorated the house, and now…just waiting on my favorite man, to walk in that door with some hamburger and flowers. While he makes the s’ghetti…I will arrange the flowers and the table…and the stage will be set for a cozy , relaxing night of time with the one I love. I feel blessed beyond words, when I struggle, and get to this point. Love is in the air…haha, so is the scent of spaghetti!

The Zone….an open letter.

Laura, here. My dad put in an email chain of political bantering…We don’t agree on most of our political perspectives, though, he is my superhero. I adore him, and respect him immensely. I have had a predominantly christian upbringing, but I choose, to think of my belief system a little bit more broadly. I believe in truth with a capital T, which is the philosophical concept that no one on earth knows the whole story…and I feel like it is ridiculous and selfish that people die in the name of religion.Sir whom will remain unnamed…, thank you, for a calm and sincere perspective. Your response seems thoughtful and genuine. I realize my response does not come with a PhD in philosophy, as I am merely working on my Master’s in Psychology. However, I feel very strongly, that history has shown us, that blocking, labeling, or trying to exterminate an entire race of humans, was not the right answer to terrorism, it in fact was terrorism. Until humans learn to stop fighting fire with fire, or heck, fighting at all…we are just simple creatures, despite all the inventions we may create…. getting a busted blood vessel in your eye over this, is just such a waste of time. I work in a welcome center and a mental hospital….people need to be loved not converted. Just love people, pray or meditate, or do anything to try to make the world something other than a combat zone….even these emails are a combat zone. I almost died as a child, and several other times over the years, but in my twenties, I came to the realization what a blessing it is just to live. I volunteer for a mental health organization, in addition to going to school at night and working two jobs…when I want to hurt something or someone, I paint or write….this might annoy you, because I am not talking about thousands of years of war….but arguing over nothing is annoying… try to think of doing a community garden, or something beside exclusivity…because the only way the mentally ill are going to stop killing themselves and others, and the religious fanatics, is if they get a different example. History is important, but it is not everything, so let’s make a different history. Thank you, all of you reading this.

Laura

My heart is grateful

My heart is grateful as it greets each new blessing

A smile, connection, a correction, or impressing

Embossed is my mind, with love for humanity

And I have a grateful heart, for those whom freely love me.

There is no utterance that expresses my pure bliss, to be abundantly aware …..that my life has a purpose.

Even dull days, like today can be filled with fun, by having an opportunity to make it special for someone.

My heart is grateful… to have thrown a small party, and had food left over to feed the guests so hearty

My karma is rich, with textures of pleasure, give me an abundance of gifts,

that I treasure…my life,

my life…it’s words I can’t find, and loving friends who stay time after time…its two jobs, and two degrees,

its my husband, where we

sleep….I’m just so happy, to do this on my own, my heart is grateful,

to find every stepping stone… along my path of purpose.

 

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