I have a precious friend who I will keep anonymous battling what might be the last stages of a rare and rapid growing cancer. I have an uncle that is battling a slow growing cancer that has consumed his body, and I have a grandmother who is also being treated for cancer, as well, and a friend whose mother just finished treatment for breast cancer….I have worked in advocacy for cancer patients,my dad is a retired oncologist.. and I have, myself survived brain surgery, for what was a benign tumor. Everyday of my life, I think about people who have died, or who are fighting for their life, and how they choose to live. This happens to be four people I highly respect….I mean highly. I love them enough, that if I could take their ailments I would, without a blink. I am learning about what it means to die with dignity, and that reminds me of their legacies. These four people have each created a door for me in my life…an opportunity to grow, and love more than I thought I was capable of. They have taught me how to stand my own ground, and never give in. I love these four people more then I knew I could. It is amazing to me the lives they lead, everyday, knowing that their beautiful souls may soon leave us with memories of their character, their strength, and their beauty.
Can I ask you something?
Never giving up?
Could you tell me why you don’t?
Each secret to the strutt?
Reach inside your fears, and pour out what you can
Show me how to be strong like you, because I don’t think I am.
…Each one of these loved ones are fighting their own battle, as I struggle to make sense of it, and many others do ,as well. Its like they are brave because they have to be, but me…I am still going to be in this conscience loving them in memory. It’s especially hard right now, for me to lose this wonderful friend. I want her to bounce back, but it is selfish of me…She is a beautiful soul…kind and loving and witty personality. She is the mother of a friend of my husband’s…and I adore her…I feel like she is not gone and never will be…but I wish she did not have to let go….sometimes when a person goes through cancer…we take for granted the fact that cancer is not the only thing happening in their lives, even if it becomes pronounced enough that it has to take precedence….
These beautiful people have to contend with daily life and grapple with finding value in everyday, and it’s hard…it’s hard for me…and my tumor has been gone for 24 years…..and all I know is what one of these four wonderful people tells me to do…”send them love light and energy”I love love love these people, so much…..they are all an intrical part of who I am…most of them I have known my whole life, but my friend who is mother of a friend of my husbands….she and I are of the same soul, I believe. a kind and patient person. She is witty, courageous, and an absolute gem to know. I am so grateful for the chances I get to spend with her, as I will treasure every minute I have to know her. My uncle, is my Godfather, and then my grandmother and I are kindred spirits, another friend of mine whose mother is in remission, has been my friend since a few months after my own brain surgery…which was 24 years ago. MY whole heart aches with sadness, and is humbled with gratitude for the love I have for all of these people, and the battle they fight with their various forms of cancers. For each of you… I love you, and I feel like I am standing outside a fire, with no way to put it out. It makes me think of Garth Brooks song ” Standing outside the fire”