Hilarious story!!!!!

See this picture of my husband and I…It’s before we were married. I told him he needed to be more spontaneous, so he was. He went on facebook, and found someone with the same name as him. He befriended him, and then we crashed his family reunion. They loved us, though! Truly wonderful people.  This photo was before we had arrived.  While we were there, we had lunch at a lock and dam, and stood on picnic tables, and brought a giant trash can full of old photos…and learned there were 5 brothers who came to the united states from Germany…3 settled in the midwest, and two in the south…this was the lineage from the brothers in the south. We stayed for about 6 hours, and then went to their Sunday dinner in their neighborhood…we were still full, but socialized until very very late…at dinner time we went to a place called ” the castle” and had  dinner in a mansion, in formal dining and we were in flip flops…..I was wearing a blue jean skirt. The kitchen was about to close, and they served us anyway…there was a table of 8 men and 1 woman being served, and us…that’s it. We left on a Thursday and came home Monday, and it was an absolute blast! I loved it.

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Highway Emergency Response Operator

See this picture here? That is me with my dad…he is my guardian angel, that still…Thankfully walks this earth! When I am living in the fast lane, trying to be all and do all….he helps me put the breaks on. He is sent from God… a dad that did not make me, but most certainly molds me.  If I could compare my dad to anything other then another human…it’s this. Like a bright neon blinking precautionary light, and a full metal artillery of answers….he knows how to respond, and revive…and it is because of his brilliance that I live to speak about it.Featured image

Gallery

What I possess

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The picture above is of  me at 16…holding the beauty of life, knowing that a miracle landed on me … Today.I’m listening to Jack Johnson cover ” Imagine”, and the line, “no possessions” jumped out at me.I think sometimes people dream a little too much,when they should be living a little more…but anyone, who has truly had ” no possessions”, knows how scary it is to walk to the bus before the sun comes up to ride into a city they are unfamiliar with, wearing someone’s hand me downs, in hopes that someone will have mercy and hire us…If you don’t, let me tell you…it ain’t fun! I have my reasons for working in multiple professions, and one of them is because I don’t want to ” Imagine” a life like that. I already lived it!

Society is changing so quickly, but that is one concept culturally that stays with people. The “Haves” and the “have not’s.” I have been on both sides of that concept. …but let me get to my point. Possessions.

What I possess materialistic may change from day to day…but what I possess always is strength, creative drive, compassion and ambition…and no one can take that from me.

My classmates at school often express frustration about my abstract approaches to life. They want robot instructions and a “how to” manual…but that is not life. That is not how this world works…What I possess I am proud of, because, no matter what anyone says. I earned it way more than people on the outside will ever know. SO, If I can give one piece of personally learned advice, from observation.

Don’t give all your possessions away, you will regret it. I have not and will not do that…but everything that you have and do ripples…and people watch and learn. I am aware of this, and if you aren’t…start paying attention…because having no possessions make life just too hard.

What I possess

No one will take

When I walk the through the doors

It’s my gifts that will make

ME

…..nothing more

Coloring with Crayons

Can you help me reach them?
I’m just a little small.
I don’t know if there is a chance
I’ll ever get that tall.

I need to draw a picture,
To show you how I feel.
I’m just a little scared right now,
And not sure how to deal.

I need the brown for my hair,
And yellow for the sun.
I like that I have dark hair
And I’ll be sad when its gone.

I know that it will grow back,
But what girls shave their head?
I know that I should not care,
Since I could end up dead.

I want to make my cheeks pink
And wear a red dress!
Red’s my favorite color!
It’s better then all the rest!

Are my sisters coming?
I want to draw them too.
I love coloring pictures,
I hope there’s more to do.

Did I really drown?
I can’t remember much.
I do know that an angel
Left me with its touch.

Why did I see it?
What does it mean?
Am I making pretend?
It didn’t feel like a dream.

I am scared to go to sleep now,
I don’t want to die,
When I wake up from my long nap
I hope there’s a butterfly.

Seven hours later,
As my vision, becomes clear
I wake with hesitation,
And a bandage near my ear.

Look,a butterfly!
On the window ledge!
Today, I lived through brain surgery
Mommy, Daddy, I’m not dead!

I want to draw a picture,
Of my family
I want to draw my nurse,
And the doctor who saved me

Can I see my crayons?
I can not reach from here…
But one day I bet I’ll be tall
Enough to reach up there!

A Survivor’s Journey To Advocacy from Laura Kathryn Trevett Tidwell on Vimeo.

“Masking Grief”

Women walking down the street

We stand around with holding grief

We look through lies

That are disguised by what are souls have hungered.

We wonder when the world will end

And if the ache gets better

We pray for life that’s free from strife

Shelter, when it thunders

Oh, tell me why do I cry and I wonder

This, that you know,

That you show

Can’t discover

please bring me ease and relief from what hovers.

…women walking down the street,

we stand around withholding grief,

we look through lies that are disguised

by what our souls have hungered….

Ever experienced grief that you couldn’t explain and you couldn’t suppress?.. Felt lost in life, derailed from ambition and hope? Some of my coworkers at one of my jobs told me about ” Putting on the Armor of God.” It was a beautiful and comforting pep talk, that in that moment, really really helped me. But, our ever changing world is so diverse now, and sometimes, it can feel like, masking duress is impossible and unhealthy…but in moderation, coupled with personal meditation, it can be done. I asked my doctor, what she does in situations like that, to keep from boiling over, and to keep her head and heart in tact…she told me meditation. She is a doctor that I think very fondly of, and have gone to for many years. The poem at the top of this screen, is a song i wrote the lyrics for at a very difficult, deep, and sad place in my life,when I was feeling like I would combust if I didn’t release it…Masking grief in the moment, is responsible, and admittedly, I failed at that recently…but addressing the emotions, is necessary…and however you can, you should retreat to a place of solitude, and explore that…because I realize, from my own actions…I can’t cease to function, even when I feel like the weight of the world is flattening my brain. So…when masking your grief, if you don’t derail the emotion long enough to get from point A, to point B, then a pre-planning session, might be helpful. I’m not a doctor, and I have not finished my M.S. in Counseling & Psychology, yet… These are the lessons I am absorbing in my life, about masking grief.

1.) Make a list of things about your environment that can positively distract you.

Ex. At one of my jobs, it’s talking about the product

At another, it’s talking to the patients.

2.) Build enough rapport with your team, that you can clue them in to the moment

…again, I failed at this, because I was so upset, I could not blurt it out….but for example, step aside, and say, “I had an emergency, I need a minute.”

3.) Give yourself solitude….be alone

Ex. on your lunch break, go to your car and listen to music..or, after work, come home, and write about it.

Most importantly though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.) Let yourself feel!

Masking grief is different then suppressing it…human emotions are vital and instinctual….

So when you come to work, and you put on your mask…remember that at some point you should take it off, and just be.

…I know I will!

One Day

One day As I was walking

I came upon a road

And Noticed something Special

That Road was paved with Gold

Engraved in that road

Was every legend told

Every Story Known

Every achieved goal.

As I continued walking

I came upon one night

A special kind of light

Called Eternal life

At first, I didn’t believe it

I thought it too profound

But then my Father proved it.

When I almost drowned.

Then I saw the Miracle

That happened on that night…

An Angel spoke to me

She’s what lit my life

Now I know my purpose

For living in this world.

I have a special job…

To help Save boys and girls

( I wrote this in 8th grade, and I still feel this way, to some degree….when I talk with somebody in a deeply personal way, this is what drives me,below is a photo of me in 8th grade) Featured image

Grey Matters

Admittedly, I often feel like if there was a clear cut answer, I would be better at everything I do. I understand the frustrations that my peers have with me about my individual approach to life. I have a boss who told me that I think in black and white, and this is a gray profession. I started thinking, though. Grey matter… like, brain matter is the place I need to put all my investment. I am not quitting my jobs or complaining about my bosses. I just had an epiphany, that might be helpful to others.

I have very low self esteem, and feel often like I am battling the current when I do ” self- talk” and ” positive affirmations.” It’s like the grey in me, is defiant, and refuses to see what people say, and give them the benefit of doubt, that they are giving you their honest opinion. Sometimes I am better at hearing the negative instead of thinking about the positive.

My black and white photo that I took probably 8 years ago now, reminds me of Living in the gray areas. I posted a photo of myself that was done in black and white, and my skin is a glowing silvery gray. That made me realize, I do live in the gray, and I also live in the grey. It matters what people think of us…because we are a global community, and branding has made it so easy to make or break an ambition.My ambitions are far and wide. If I can change the way I think about myself…I can be comfortable with the gray again. I can see the beauty in the awkwardness, and love where I am right now. So for the day, that is my personal goal. Often I write these with a lesson I have learned. Today it is…that living in the gray, and thinking with the grey….can carry you far into a beautiful experience to enhance your life, and help you to make monumental changes, without monumental sacrifices….as usual…I leave you with a poem written by me.

Think about it everyone,

We all have come so far,

I know that everyone one of us

Has hidden battle scars.

The line across my head

And the scar upon my wrist

Is only part of the story

That’s leading me to happiness

I do not have all answers

I do not know it all

But I stretch the grey I have

And I get up when I fall

Beauty in the gray

Like a photo of black and white

Is not always a catch all for wrongs

Sometimes, it’s exactly right.  Featured image