I have never loved like this before…

and I am not sure I ever will, my heart swells with affection!

This little boy has been with us 3 years now, and he is one of the best things that ever happened to us! He’s full of personality. He is happy and healthy! He is the piece that had been missing form our lives, for so long!!!! We travel together, we sleep in the same bed, we spend all day together. We are so close! It’s a blessing that he chose me as his person, but he loves his daddy, too!

Cross Everything & protect those most in Need.

SO, I have noticed lately, that in my rushing around through life, I have tripped up. I have had typos in my resume. I have had dizzy moments. I keep, finding myself acting like a “trapper keeper girl”…like I am 5 stars, only because they circle my head when I run into everything. My life has been kind of hush lately for reasons I can not really deeply divulge.

However, I am starting to crave an adventure, and crave stimulation, activity, a reason to be happy. So, I am watching Chick flicks with my mom while she recovers from hip surgery…

I know, not an adventure in the least. Well, I live in a town where we had 11 shooting deaths in 8 days, and most of them happened blocks from my house. Our friend was out in the street in front of his house, holding a guy who was bleeding out after thugs pulled up and blew him full of holes… and he stayed praying for him until emergency vehicles showed up.

We have had our house broken into twice, and yet I love this neighborhood. The old houses. The Park. My Alma Mater high school…every time I drive past it, I cringe a little. I think about the time, when I was wearing 63 lb.s of books on my back, and I fell backwards, like a turtle on my shell…and someone laughed at me and pointed fingers. His girlfriend saw that, and she jumped him, started kicking him, and hitting him…screaming you don’t behave like that if you are with me.

It used to be so beautiful, our lives. Our home. Our dog. Then I lost my job, and the next day, my car was totaled. We make quick road trips every once in a while. We go to Mississippi. We go to Florida. That’s really it, though. I finally have a passport with my married name on it, and I am going NO WHERE!!! It’s annoying. To say the least. I should be excited to be this ” Fat and Happy” stay at home bride, but I am not.

I want to smell mountain air, swim in the ocean, and ” be where the people are. ” I just recently found myself practicum and internship, so I can finish my last year of graduate school… and the more I work to get all the corners to line up…the more I feel I have backed myself into a corner.

I’m not ok. I’m not suicidal. I’m not ok, though. I have no friends. I have no life to be proud of. I am just here. cleaning the house, and watching tv, and just waiting, to die…and the more impatient I get about my efforts made…the more It seems like I am the butt of one giant cosmic joke.

I am not ok with this, because my whole life was this way. Everyone and everything, I ever showed kindness to, backfired in my face, with the exception of my husband and my dog. I hate this. NOT MY DOG OR MY HUSBAND!!!! I hate feeling like I am stuck, every day…in a groundhog day, kinda’ nightmare.

Anyway, I will give more details when it is declared safe…but my life is utterly boring, mundane, and unworthy of discussion…at the moment…and cross everything that this is temporary. You better believe I am!!!!

My husband dog and I ARE going to celebrate the 4th of July with a dear friend of ours! I even bought a dress with puppies all over it! If anyone out there reads this…please keep your pets safe from fireworks, and please take care of our wounded soldiers whose wounds are not visible. Let’s all Love our neighbors as Thyself, this 4th…and definitely love the critters that way, too!

A rehearsal for the day I am Interviewed by any Fashion Magazine, about my views!

An Imaginary Interview of me with Any Fashion Magazine.

  1.  How did you get Interested in modeling? –Rivalry between Siblings
  2. What has been your experience in the Modeling Industry? –Insurmountable, like I am flighty and could never actualize such ambitions.
  3. What makes you unique as a model in present day? – I blend ideas and colors that express my excitable nature, and my unquenchable desire to see possibility, in the stories my photo shoots tell. I bring the page to life!
  4. Do you have anything about yourself you want to reveal in a photo shoot, that you have not done, so far? – Yes, my brain surgery scars, the range of my emotions
  5. A current topic floating quite quickly through the modeling world is Ableism, and Tokenism, where do you stand on this topic? – I stand with the models, who feel misrepresented. I am plus sized, I am scarred. I first tried to model when I was 16, and no one wanted any part of me. At a photo shoot, I had two make up artists make a mockery of my presence, without justification or explanation. They rattled me, with their insulting behavior, and made me feel small in a way no one should ever feel. In the elevator they whispered and pointed at me, And It was everything I could do not, to pour tears with a big ugly cry hissy fit.  I was wanting to model so I could show people, I had beauty, even if it only was seen in my kindness. It was the worst, and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.
  6. If you could change one thing about modeling in present day, what would it be and why? – I could say pay, because that is a given if you are not a house name yet, but honestly. It’s the tearing down of creative thought…that if you get the big cheese, you have to wear it….and stand naked in NYC with steaks or cheese as your nipple tassels, and grass skirt, and be franker, in a strong but empathic way, about how they discuss serious issues. The modeling industry tears people down, often driving them to suicide…AND THEY GET AWAY WITH IT, every day. I would just make fashion more accountable to their consumers…WE THE CONSUMERS MAKE THEM A SUCCESS … A HOUSE NAME!!!!! The designers should be saying” Hey, you earned that dollar, and spent it on my work, thank you! We are here for you! This world is yours, too!” #THEFASHIONHERO

April Fool’s ,better not be fooling me!!!!!

So I have had this dream in life to one day be famous so I can advocate on a global scale for causes I Believe in, like beauty inclusion, advocacy for mental health, animal rights, and the 16 year old , crying on my last night of 15, because I wanted so badly to die. Because this joyful news, is worth overcoming all the obstacles for!!!!! The reality Tv series I so badly have wanted to be a part of for so long shared fantastic news with me, today! Have a little ok, because my words can’t do it justice!!! At 39 years old… I’m going to be a mover and a shaker in the body positive movement!!!! So watch out world…I’m not done yet! Follow me and the rest of the contestants at The Fashion Hero @TheFashionHero or #TheFashionHero #Thank you God, I’m one step closer!!!!!

It was a great getaway, but I’m so thankful to be home!

My husband and I celebrated 8 years Married on the 9th, and I’m convinced that with the appropriate attitude, arranged marriages can result in a lifetime of love. My husband and I have been together 14 years. I moved in with him on our second date, and three weeks later, I was doing our laundry and learned his last name. He took me to get birth control, for the first time, when I was 25. The doctor burst in, joking that I was pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t be. For years I did everything in my power to run him off, even canceling our engagement the first two times, and making him pledge a year of marriage counseling and a 4th proposal, and then I would say yes. On our wedding day, even after we got through all of my pre-requesits, I got col feet, and told my mom, I wanted to run… She gave me the worst possible marriage advice. She said ” you gotta go through with it,. You can always get a divorce,”   over 8 years, a tonsillectomy, a hysterectomy,  and 3 hospitalizations for acute anxiety unresolved anger, and unmanaged bipolar(on my part.) He still loves me, and accepts me, and doesn’t want to be in the world without me! I’m astonished! We have a beautiful puppy dog baby, for child. We have an adorable house, on a wonderful street, and I am in between a few Completely different issues now.  I’m unemployed. I’m wanting to travel abroad, and publish,  books! He smiles, and says Yes! We, don’t go through life pretending to be fake people in 1950’s sitcom, like on WandaVision, and our year of marriage counseling, helped me develop a backbone… You know, hold my own in an argument. Since, I became unemployed, my car was totaled, and we both had a pretty bad case of Covid! After, all of this ,we really needed this trip! We took a road trip to Columbia, South Carolina. It was absolutely gorgeous, perfect weather, fabulous food, a wonderful Zoo, and a great sitter from Rover , for our puppy! We went to Aiken, Sc, for one day to see my aunt, and it was just as beautiful! Everyday, until yesterday, I wanted to know the surprise, he had planned for us, and when it was happening, it didn’t even occur to me to ask. As soon as I put two and two together, I was overjoyed. He took me to Lake Murray, in Lexington, South Carolina to add a lock to the fence, as an outward expression of our love. We also went to a delightful Zoo, and the Columbia Art Museum. When it was time to come home, I was ready, for only two reasons, we need to still earn money, and I needed to be where I am, right now… In my bed with my husband and my dog… Love can be such a wonderful adventure! #8YearsMarried #LoveIsAnAdventure #TheFashionHero

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